Send questions about the office, money, careers and work-life balance to workfriend@nytimes.com. Include your name and location, or a request to remain anonymous. Letters may be edited.
A ‘Work Friend’ Faux Pas?
A few weeks ago, in the Jan. 26 edition of “Work Friend,” a reader wrote to inquire about what she should do regarding a colleague on the autism spectrum who interacts with a wide variety of other colleagues in a semipublic role and who behaves, as the reader put it, in ways that are “brusque” and “rude” to them. In addition, the reader wrote, the employee is dismissive of the idea that care with interpersonal skills requires his consideration. (There are other problems with this employee’s work, but for the purposes of this column, let’s focus on the interpersonal issues.)
In response, I told the Work Friend reader who wrote in that, although I am sympathetic to those on the spectrum, “this seems less of an issue of emotional intelligence or personality diversity than just plain obnoxiousness, obstinance and entitlement.”
“This guy is obviously a lost cause,” I continued.
“ As someone who has worked with people whose toxic behaviors have gone unremarked upon or overlooked by higher-ups,” I wrote, ”know that you have my sympathy, and, no doubt, that of many readers of this column.”
I was wrong about where readers’ sympathies would lie. That column received more negative responses from “Work Friend” readers than any I’ve written before. Many correspondents said they felt that I was dismissive and cruel about the challenges that come with being on the autism spectrum.
“Horrendously insensitive,” wrote one.
“The most ableist, offensive, uninformed and blatantly bigoted question and response I have ever seen in this column,” fumed another.